


Here because you need me to be

by Mierke



Category: Next to Normal - Kitt/Yorkey
Genre: F/M, Hallucinations, Post-Canon, canon-typical fear of going crazy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 02:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19416337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mierke/pseuds/Mierke
Summary: After her mother leaves, Natalie is left to figure out where to go from there.





	Here because you need me to be

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt _Edge_ for the [100 Fandom challenge](https://100fandoms.dreamwidth.org/).

Natalie stood on the edge. She didn't think she was going to jump, though truthfully, she wasn't certain of it. If you wanted to bet on it, she wouldn't be able to give you a clue either way. At this point, she wasn't thinking, clearly or otherwise. She was just one giant flood of emotions, of pain and anger and loneliness.

Her mother just... left?

She shouldn't be surprised. Maybe she wasn't surprised. Maybe it wasn't shock she was feeling, but simply the pain of the inevitable breaking through. After all, even though you knew it was coming, putting your hand on a hot plate still hurt.

She sat down on the roof and folded in on herself, hugging her knees to her chest as if making herself small would somehow generate warmth, would somehow protect her. She should be the strong one, she knew. She had always been supposed to be the strong one, good enough for two. Did she now have to be good enough for three? Did her father expect her to take care of him, and who would take care of her?

How do you go crazy from grief and then inflict that grief on other people? How did that make sense?

Would her mom expect her to come visit her? Put the whole responsibility for their relationship on her shoulders? Oh, who was she kidding. Why was she even questioning this? Of course that's what would happen. It’s what had always happened. If she didn't visit, her mom would simply forget her, without the convenient excuse of treatment this time, just forget that the second one, the try-again baby, the replacement, had ever existed.

Would that be so bad?

Natalie shivered at the thought and looked at the ground below her. Even before the electroconvulsive therapy, her mother had tried her best at denying her existence. Letting go of her mother once and for all, moving on without her, wouldn't that be the best way forward?

"Hey."

Natalie looked up to find Henry standing by the roof door.

"Hey."

She tried to smile at him, but was surprised to find tears falling instead. Henry sat down behind her, dragged her just a bit further away from the edge. His arms around her provided the warmth she had been looking for, and she rested against his chest, allowing herself this moment of peace.

"Did you come find me?" Her voice sounded small even to her own ears, and she hoped Henry had been able to pick it up with the wind rushing around them. He nodded against her ear.

"I will always come find you," he promised, and Natalie wanted to scramble away almost as much as she wanted to bury herself in him. His arms tightened around her, as if he could feel her muscles preparing to run.

"That's a promise, not a threat," he whispered, and Natalie let out a small laugh.

"I don't get why you're here," she said, her eyes still fixed on the ground. "You do know what my mother has is hereditary, right?"

"I'm here because you need me to be," he said.

"Oh, God, please tell me you're real!" Natalie had scrambled up and away from him, backing towards the stairwell. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears, and she only stopped moving once her back hit the wall and she couldn't go any further. She wasn't thinking clearly enough to find the door.

"Don't!" she yelled as Henry tried to come closer.

"Why would I not be real?" he asked, his voice still that soft and gentle lilt, and wasn't that further proof that this was not real? How could anyone who knew her talk to her with that much love in his voice?

"You're here because you need me to be," Natalie said. "That's what you said. That sure sounds like something a hallucination would say, would be. My mom saw Gabe because she couldn't handle losing him and she needed him around. Are you, am I like her? Have I gone crazy without even realizing it? Has all my careful monitoring been for nothing?"

"Don't!" she yelled again, as Henry took another step. Her heartbeat had now almost doubled in frequency, and she could hardly hear over the pounding in her ears. She tried to calm down her breathing, tried to stem her panic, but the way Henry was looking at her didn't help matters at all. He couldn't be real. How could he be?

"Natalie," he said, his hands in the air in the universal sign of 'I'm not a threat'. He had stopped coming closer, and was standing far enough away from her that he couldn't reach out and touch her. "Your father has shaken my hand when he met me. Last month, the music teacher kicked me out of the room because he said I was distracting you and you needed to practice. Last week, we went to the school dance and Mister Miller told me to keep my hands to myself."

Despite herself, Natalie giggled. They hadn't even been doing anything, but apparently to Mister Miller there was a specific amount of space that was supposed to remain between the boy's hand and the girl's ass, and Henry had not complied with those rules.

"I know you're scared, but I'm as real as the rooftop we're standing on. You can lean on me when you don't know what to do, not because I'm not real, but because I am. I want to be here for you."

He took a step closer and Natalie let him, her eyes fixed on his.

"I love you."

Another step.

"I see you."

And another, and now he was standing close enough to touch. Natalie reached out and felt his denim jacket underneath her fingertips, felt the warmth radiating from his body. She sighed and wiped away some tears with her left hand as she stepped into his embrace.

"You're okay," he whispered, as he folded his arms around her. "I've got you."


End file.
